I haven't figured it out yet. I still want to be good at something. . . .the best, even. Or just do something because it would be fun to do. I'm doing the Mom thing, which is all I ever wanted to do. But now that I've gotten the kids through the first few years of their lives without them falling off a cliff or eating poison, I'd like to try my hand at something else.
The problem is that many of the things I'd be interested in doing would most likely require much practice and skill-building. They're not the kinds of things that you just go out and DO.
I really want to sing. I love to sing. I have no idea how "good" I really am because I have never (nor do I plan to) stood in front of the American Idol judges to allow them to scrutinize my ability to sing. My sweet youngest daughter once told me that when I sang to her, I sounded like an angel. How precious! And I've had odd comments here and there saying, "hey, you're a good singer." But those were about 20 years ago, before my vocal chords were destroyed by pregnancy and yelling at children. Hey, maybe I should post a video of me singing here - that way, if you like my voice, you can leave a comment and if you don't like it, you can not leave a comment, and I won't have my feelings hurt by those who don't like it. But if I didn't get any comments, I might be crushed. . . . hmm, let's not do that.
So, I would love an opportunity to sing in front of a crowd. Like the National Anthem at a sports event. Or to sing backup for Mac Powell at a Third Day concert. Hey, as long as I'm dreaming, I might as well dream big, right?
I would also love to dance. I love how free and fluid a dancer looks when she's dancing. She makes it look effortless, but we all know that it takes hours, days, months, years of training and starving oneself and beating one's body into submission to make it look that easy. I just like to imagine myself, just once in while, spinning around or leaping across the stage. Corny? Yes. But this isn't your list, so shut up.
I'd like to be a motivational speaker. I like to think I have lots of wisdom to share. In reality, it might just be the musings of a sanity-challenged mom, but at least I like to think I have that wisdom.
As I'm writing this, I'm sensing a theme: I want to be in front of an audience. I wonder what that says about me - am I confident, or am I just a self-centered narcissist? (Is that redundant?)
Let's move on to things I would not want to do.
When I was in high school, I really wanted to be a marine biologist. There were 2 things that prohibited me from following that dream: 1. I didn't want to have to go to college very far from home. 2. I have a profound phobia of deep water. That could be a problem, don't you think?
I would never want to be an astronaut. I'll just wait until I'm dead and see the universe from God's point of view.
Although I like to perform in front of people, I wouldn't want to be an actor. Unless I got to kiss a cute guy, but most of the hot actors are like 20 years younger than me, and that's just disturbing.
Well, if you've read this far, I commend you. I've rambled on quite a bit. I see here that I'm much more free with my thoughts and words at 1:30 AM (insomnia) than during normal business hours. Time to go and dream about what I want to be when I grow up.
Read more in What I Want to Be When I Grow Up, Part 2 and What I Want to Be When I Grow Up, Part 3