Tuesday, April 28, 2009

The Fat Lady

I'm fat.

I'm really tired of being fat. I'm actually tired of trying to lose weight. Usually, I only get to the thinking stage of trying to lose weight - you know the exhausting work of planning meals, planning shopping lists, filling the house with healthy food, planning an exercise routine. All that planning makes me want some serious chocolate.

And I can't stand having clothes that don't fit comfortably. I'm thinking of trading in my entire wardrobe for a collection of stylish muumuus.

So, I'm at a crossroads in my life. Maybe it would be OK to just stick with being the fat lady. I've been fat for a good chunk of my life (no pun intended), and I think it suits me. My husband doesn't mind. He's 100% serious when he says he wouldn't want to be married to a Skinny Minnie - there's nothing to hold on to. But he does want me to feel good about myself. Most people enjoy a jovial fat lady, don't they? You know, like your great aunt Margie who hugs you and you get lost in her rolls? I mean, it's kind of like a big comfy pillow, right?

I have been called fat most of my life, even before I was fat. Maybe it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. My brother used to call me "Jenni-fats". It only took me about 34 therapy sessions to get over that.

A kid in elementary school told me I was "pleasantly plump." I mean, seriously, was that supposed to be a compliment?

If I look back at my high school pictures, I would die for the body I had back then - why didn't I appreciate it when I had it?

There was the tiny, slender mom of a kid in my preschool class who came up to me and cheerfully asked "Oh, are you pregnant?" Obviously, she was the only woman in the universe who hadn't gotten the memo stating, "NEVER ask a woman if she is pregnant, even if she looks like she's about to give birth to a water buffalo. You WAIT until she tells you she is pregnant." (And, no, I was not pregnant at the time.)

And then there was my children's friend who came over and told me, "Mrs. Y. You're chubby." To which I responded, "Oh really?" And she continued, "Yes, my mommy told me it wasn't nice to say you're fat." Yeah, punk - go back and tell your mommy that "chubby" isn't exactly an upgrade.

You know it's hard being only 5 feet tall. There is absolutely no place for any extra fat to hide. Although people feign astonishment IF I ever tell them my actual weight. . . . and then they say something polite like, "Well, you carry it well."

Well that's enough musing about fatness. Time for bed. See you all in my dreams.

I'll be the one wearing a muumuu.


  1. I hear you. I'm already carrying 25ish extra pounds and I am only in my early 20s never having been pregnant. I am very thankful for my husband's support (he also honestly does not care and I'd probably have to lose 25lbs before he even noticed a change at all). But sometimes I wonder if knowing that he *did* care would be a great source of motivation. Why is it easier to do things for others than for ourselves?

  2. Are you only 5 feet tall??? There is no room there to hide any extra. I wish I were a few more inches myself and that would stretch out my "weight".

    I just keep thinking I need to get more clothes but I am not willing to admit the size I am wearing now. =(

  3. Hmmmm, seems like we are hinking alike these days. After two days of eating healthier, smaller meals, I atually feel a WHOLE lot better about myself. I also realized that when I was being hard on myself, I was PMSing, so hormones made it worse. Baby steps for both of us :)

  4. Crispy - Yes, I am only 5 feet tall - and 1/4", but that's pretty inconsequential. And I hate shopping for clothes in the size I am too - I keep wanting to wait until I drop a size or 2.

    Colleen - at least you have the benefit of all that running - you go girl!!!

    Rae - I know how you feel - if my hubby wanted me to lose weight, I'd probably be a lot more motivated!!!

  5. See, you have to take a different perspective. Yeah, sure, a box of chocolate bars is not a great nutritional decision. But ya know, if the weather had been better all winter long, you would have been able to get out of the house and move around and exercise. And if you werent so insistent on being a dedicated loving homeschooling mom, you would have to be walking your kids to the bus stop and going to all their little plays and crap thereby getting all kinds of exercise.
    The problem is A. The weather and B. your silly determination to do the best possible things for your children at all costs.

  6. Jen -
    You are such a great writer. You should be a magazine columnist or novelist. I love to come over and hear what you're thinking.

    You are so cute. Don't get down on yourself. If you want, check out Amber's Extreme Makeover: Me Edition. She has a bunch of ladies encouraging each other to get healthier. (aefilkins.blogspot.com). They are a really nice bunch.

    Have a wonderful day!


  7. Aww, Jen-Jen, thanks! I really LOVE writing, which is why my blog is sort of plain, with not a lot of bells and whistles. I would love to be a columnist or publish a book some day. This blog is my start. . . .Maybe I'll get my name out there! Plus, as I've said many times, it's quite therapeutic for me. I really enjoy it, and all the comments - thanks!

  8. I love you, and your blog. Gosh, I wish we were next door neighbors!!! I can relate to almost everything you post, you know!

  9. Now, I could feel just like you do! Except I just choose to think about other problems!!! Dirty house! I might be able to DO something about that one!

    There is too much emphasis on weight. And does anyone really know what size she/he is? It is a weird thing that I've been thinking about. My son Sergei, is thin as a rail; it might appear I don't feed him. He responds perfectly to his BODY. He eats when he is hungry and prefers (well, really will only eat) healthy food. [sickening]

    Now, Anastasia has this delicate, elegant frame...you could never pinch an inch on her - yet Sergei calls her "fat" and furthermore, after investigation, I am convinced that he really believes she IS fat!!! He also says that Ilya is fat. Ilya, to my mind, just has a different body type. But Sergei (usually a kind person - really - will sing "Fat Man" to the Batman theme when Ilya enters the room). Thus, it has come to my attention that I must seem like a giant PORKER to him. I haven't investigated this too thoroughly as it is disturbing.


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