Did you see the drastic new improvement to my blog??? I'll give you a few minutes and see if you notice it on your own.
Anyone?
That annoying empty box (with the occasional message "internet explorer cannot open this page") is GONE! Yeah! I actually commissioned my friend Maryellen to get rid of the dumb thing for me because she knows HTML and I don't (which is no doubt how it got there in the first place - I experimented with one too many ad designs, most of which are now not appearing on my blog the way they should either. . .but that's a task for another day.) I'm sure for all the months of agony it caused me by simply being there, she was able to get rid of it in 2 minutes.
You might have noticed by now that I don't invest a lot in the appearance of my blog. No cutesy bells and whistles. No fun little gadgets. I like to simply draw people in with my words.
That, and I haven't the foggiest stinkin' idea how to do those things.
Some day, I may actually investigate how to add some fun and eye-popping gizmos to my blog. But for now, you're stuck with my words.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
I Will Never Feel Young Again
I was very young-looking for a long time. Come to think of it, that was probably when I was young. But, really, it felt like I was in my 20's for around 20 years.
But, alas, the fantasy had to end. I could no longer remain young-looking. Somewhere along the way, the gray hair started taking over. I used to say it looked like highlights. But I'm not fooling anyone. I am not fooling myself. I'm getting old. Half of my head is gray now, which I guess isn't immediately obvious since my hair is what is affectionately called "dishwater blonde." I used to think my skin was still so youthful. But I'm starting to notice that it's getting more baggy and a few more wrinkles have found their home. My daughter tells me I have a double chin. (I know I did not have that in my 20's!) People were often surprised that I was in my 30's, or that I had 4 kids, or that I had been married over a decade already. But now, I don't even get carded. I once told a cashier at Meijer that she would make my day if she asked to see my i.d. because I was buying alcohol. She took one look at me and said, in a very flat and uninterested voice, "No". (See if I ever get in her checkout lane again.)
Ahhh, Youth, where have you gone?
What prompted this reflection on aging, you may ask?
I stopped by my daughter's classroom today and one of her classmates asked me, "Are you Faith's grandma?"
I feel so violated.
I will never feel young again.
But, alas, the fantasy had to end. I could no longer remain young-looking. Somewhere along the way, the gray hair started taking over. I used to say it looked like highlights. But I'm not fooling anyone. I am not fooling myself. I'm getting old. Half of my head is gray now, which I guess isn't immediately obvious since my hair is what is affectionately called "dishwater blonde." I used to think my skin was still so youthful. But I'm starting to notice that it's getting more baggy and a few more wrinkles have found their home. My daughter tells me I have a double chin. (I know I did not have that in my 20's!) People were often surprised that I was in my 30's, or that I had 4 kids, or that I had been married over a decade already. But now, I don't even get carded. I once told a cashier at Meijer that she would make my day if she asked to see my i.d. because I was buying alcohol. She took one look at me and said, in a very flat and uninterested voice, "No". (See if I ever get in her checkout lane again.)
Ahhh, Youth, where have you gone?
What prompted this reflection on aging, you may ask?
I stopped by my daughter's classroom today and one of her classmates asked me, "Are you Faith's grandma?"
I feel so violated.
I will never feel young again.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Can I Please Hibernate?
It's that time of year. Squirrels are stuffing their cheeks full of nuts to bring back to their nests. Bear are busy growing fat layers to keep them warm. And people - stupid people - decide to continue being productive, some even more so now that the vacation season is over. Instead of giving in to our natural instinct to hibernate, we ignore it. I'm telling you, if ever a company decides to give their employees time off for hibernation, I will be the first to take the job.
It's happening to me. I'm getting more tired as the sunlight goes away. I want to stay asleep in my nice warm bed, tucked inside my cozy cave of a bedroom. I want to wake up periodically only to eat and then go back to my nice warm nest. And I want to eat. I want to eat all the time. I'm tellin' ya - it's the hibernation instinct that has sabotaged any weight loss effort.
My hearty thanks to the brilliant woman out there who originally wrote this beautiful piece of prose. If I ever find out who you are, I will think of something really cool to do to thank you, but I can't think of anything right now because I'm too tired. I'm sure many of you have read this, but it resonates with everything I'm feeling right now:
In this life, I’m a woman. In my next life, I’d like to come back as a bear. When you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that too. When you’re a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you’re sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that. If you’re mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that. If you’re a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat. Yup, gonna be a bear!
It's happening to me. I'm getting more tired as the sunlight goes away. I want to stay asleep in my nice warm bed, tucked inside my cozy cave of a bedroom. I want to wake up periodically only to eat and then go back to my nice warm nest. And I want to eat. I want to eat all the time. I'm tellin' ya - it's the hibernation instinct that has sabotaged any weight loss effort.
My hearty thanks to the brilliant woman out there who originally wrote this beautiful piece of prose. If I ever find out who you are, I will think of something really cool to do to thank you, but I can't think of anything right now because I'm too tired. I'm sure many of you have read this, but it resonates with everything I'm feeling right now:
In this life, I’m a woman. In my next life, I’d like to come back as a bear. When you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that too. When you’re a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you’re sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that. If you’re mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that. If you’re a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat. Yup, gonna be a bear!
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Extreme Makeover: Me Edition
Amber's question today is "What is your biggest obstacle right now?" That's easy - myself! I have spent much time and effort and prayer in changing old habits and creating new ones, and my heart is slowly changing. I needed a major heart change because I was in love with food. Every once in a while, that old romance resurfaces and I start to flirt with the chocolate again, but God has brought me a long way in helping me to let go of anything that gets in the way of my relationship with Him. How can food get in the way of my relationship with God, you may ask. When I've been tired, stressed, lonely, down, or bored, all of my life, I have turned to food for comfort and fulfillment, instead of turning to God, who alone has the ability to fill my heart. But the reason that I am my own biggest obstacle is that I always try to take on too much at once. My kids are at school, so I have a hundred projects in the wings:
I am trying to get the house clean and dust-free because of my allergies
I want to clean, sort, organize and purge junk from my house
In the midst of purging, I'm trying to find stuff to sell on eBay
I'm trying my hand at couponing so that I can help my hubby make ends meet
I picked apples last week and I want to make applesauce (I guess I shouldn't be in too much of a rush - my dear friend and neighbor told me that one year, she didn't get to canning her applesauce until February!!!)
Oh, and here's another good and worthwhile distraction: I am going to a Christian women's conference the weekend after next where I am giving a workshop entitled "Creating a Christ-Centered Approach to Weight Loss," so I'm spending a good amount of time preparing for that. The funny part is that I haven't lost any weight yet!!! But there are some ladies helping me out who are in various stages of their journey - I'll be the one who's still laying the foundation for lifelong weight management! Talk about humility training. . .
And the list goes on and on and on. So I end up sabotaging my efforts to eat healthy and get exercise in - I push these things to the back burner, even though I know I have to keep them on the front. I keep thinking, "after this one big project is done, then I'll have time to exercise." But NO, it has to be now. And I need someone to kick my butt to keep doing it. Anyone? Kick my butt and I'll be forever grateful.
Mga Kababayan Ko
My thoughts today are with "my countrymen" (this is what "mga kababayan ko" means in Tagalog, the language in the Philippines.) No, the Philippines isn't my home country, but I did live there for 15 months. It feels a little bit like this catastrophic flooding has happened in my hometown. I walked those streets that were under several feet of water and are now laden with thick mud. Many of my Filipino friends' Facebook pages are devoted to recruiting help for the cleanup effort: requests for money, supplies, even rubber life rafts.
I think God gave me an extremely strong sense of empathy. It's very hard for me to separate myself from the tragedies that other people endure. Especially when I see pictures on the web, like the one I saw yesterday, of a man carrying the lifeless body of a child out of the mud. Absolutely gut-wrenching, especially for a mom.
There are other catastrophes from years past that have stayed with me as well. September 11, of course. Who will ever forget September 11? For many years, I had dreams that I was witnessing another terrorist attack, watching another plane smash into a building full of people. I cannot go into a crowded area without thinking, "What would happen if we all had to make a quick escape?" I especially had to beat down feelings of claustrophobia when I was in downtown Chicago: "If something bad happened, how would I get out of here?"
I still have occasional dreams about the December 26, 2004 tsunami in Indonesia. In my dreams, I can see the flood waters fast approaching and I'm thinking ahead to my best plan of escape. That horrible event claimed an unthinkable 160,000 lives.
Every day, I drive over a bridge on the way to and from school. After I drop my kids off, the bridge is usually a little more congested with traffic going toward downtown for the workday. I am usually at a stand-still on the bridge at some point. And every single day, I think of the bridge collapse in Minnesota.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm excessively fearful or morbid in my thoughts, but then I think, I'm probably just human.
I think God gave me an extremely strong sense of empathy. It's very hard for me to separate myself from the tragedies that other people endure. Especially when I see pictures on the web, like the one I saw yesterday, of a man carrying the lifeless body of a child out of the mud. Absolutely gut-wrenching, especially for a mom.
There are other catastrophes from years past that have stayed with me as well. September 11, of course. Who will ever forget September 11? For many years, I had dreams that I was witnessing another terrorist attack, watching another plane smash into a building full of people. I cannot go into a crowded area without thinking, "What would happen if we all had to make a quick escape?" I especially had to beat down feelings of claustrophobia when I was in downtown Chicago: "If something bad happened, how would I get out of here?"
I still have occasional dreams about the December 26, 2004 tsunami in Indonesia. In my dreams, I can see the flood waters fast approaching and I'm thinking ahead to my best plan of escape. That horrible event claimed an unthinkable 160,000 lives.
Every day, I drive over a bridge on the way to and from school. After I drop my kids off, the bridge is usually a little more congested with traffic going toward downtown for the workday. I am usually at a stand-still on the bridge at some point. And every single day, I think of the bridge collapse in Minnesota.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm excessively fearful or morbid in my thoughts, but then I think, I'm probably just human.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Allergies!
All right, so I have allergies. Nothing really exciting though. I thought it would be cool to be allergic to rice cakes or something so no one could ever try to make me eat one of those vile things again.
Mold, dust, and pet dander. Yup, those are the little devils that have been giving me sinus headaches (and probably migraines). That doesn't explain physical fatigue, but it does explain sleepiness and my head feeling like it's stuffed with fluff (yes, just like Winnie the Pooh).
So, the doc shoved several medications at me AND told me to come back weekly for allergy shots AND told me to try to minimize dust and mold in the house (ha ha, that's a good one) AND especially to eliminate dust from our bedroom (and I literally laughed out loud when he told me that).
This is supposed to be my semi-retirement, a time to take it easy, rest up and relax until all my health issues are resolved. Instead I have to CLEAN MY HOUSE FROM TOP TO BOTTOM AND ELIMINATE ALL DUST AND MOLD. (No, I'm not getting rid of the cats - I may just varnish them.) Wow, there go my slow-paced, coffee-drinking days.
Time to fire up the vacuum cleaner!
Mold, dust, and pet dander. Yup, those are the little devils that have been giving me sinus headaches (and probably migraines). That doesn't explain physical fatigue, but it does explain sleepiness and my head feeling like it's stuffed with fluff (yes, just like Winnie the Pooh).
So, the doc shoved several medications at me AND told me to come back weekly for allergy shots AND told me to try to minimize dust and mold in the house (ha ha, that's a good one) AND especially to eliminate dust from our bedroom (and I literally laughed out loud when he told me that).
This is supposed to be my semi-retirement, a time to take it easy, rest up and relax until all my health issues are resolved. Instead I have to CLEAN MY HOUSE FROM TOP TO BOTTOM AND ELIMINATE ALL DUST AND MOLD. (No, I'm not getting rid of the cats - I may just varnish them.) Wow, there go my slow-paced, coffee-drinking days.
Time to fire up the vacuum cleaner!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Extreme Makeover: Me Edition - I'm Back!
Hi everyone - I'm back!
And not much to report. There is definitely progress, but not the kind I hoped for, which is loads of fat falling off me. I battled with major fatigue all summer. And I am still fighting it, but here are a few significant changes in my life that I hope will help:
1. My kids are in school! Hallelujah! I have time to myself and peace during the day.
2. It turned out the CPAP wasn't really helping me because I had extremely mild sleep apnea, so no more CPAP. I'm going to see my dentist about a dental device for mild sleep apnea. The sleep specialist prescribed a ton of sleep meds for me, but I decided to wait it out a little bit. After trying the CPAP and some sleep aids all summer, I thought I would go "au naturel" for a little while. With more down time, more time to exercise, and a better routine, I thought maybe I could get back into a good sleep pattern. I still have some bad nights, but last night was awesome! I think God is at work here!
3. My doctor discovered I have a Vitamin D and Vitamin B deficiency (rather, they're on the very LOW end of normal), so he gave me a B12 shot and I'm taking Vitamin D supplements. Also, I'm seeing an allergist tomorrow and hopefully that will be productive.
As I mentioned, I have more structure and more routine, which translates to more time to plan healthy foods, more time to do The Lord's Table devotional, and more time to exercise. So, good things are in place, and for a few weeks now, I have been consistently eating well and avoiding lots of junk food - LAST NIGHT, my hubby brought home DONUTS, and I simply said, "I shouldn't", and that was the end of it. God is really taking away my obsession with food and it's AWESOME!!!
I've been doing a 30-40 minute power walk most days.
As far as my goals to lose 40 lbs. by the time I turn 40, I'm thinking it's not so realistic any more because now I only have 4 months left, instead of the 8 months I had when I started, and I'm still battling the first 5 lbs. that keep yo-yo-ing! But I'm going to get healthy no matter what, and God is at work in my life, so I should be happy with that.
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