Wednesday, March 18, 2009

A Thumbnail Sketch of Our Family

Let me walk you through the various disorders plaguing my family. This household contains Depression, ADHD, mild Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Insomnia, probable Adult ADHD, Hypothyroidism, Hypoglycemia, Obesity, Herpes Type 1 (That IS the cold sore virus, just so you know!), Adrenal Fatigue (or so says one borderline-quack-chiropractor), Perimenopause, Sciatica, Athlete's Foot, Hyper-emotionalism, Flatulence, Male Pattern Baldness, Overgrown Toenail Syndrome, Stretch Marks, and Overall Laziness.

You would think we would all be sitting around in straight jackets.

It's got to be a sign of the times. I mean, I'm sure the early settlers weren't suffering from all these maladies, right? They worked hard all day, grew their own organic food, enjoyed life's simple pleasures and lived off the land. Look at Caroline Ingalls - she was happy all the time, except for one episode, I think.

Sometimes I yearn for simplicity of life. Wouldn't it be glorious to grow all my own food, have a cow and a chicken for milk and eggs, have my husband go hunting for our meat, and have a small simple house that required only a daily sweeping? However, I don't think I could survive without the internet.

If I grew and ate all unprocessed, organic, homegrown food, I'm sure I wouldn't have health problems like a gall bladder with a low ejection fraction. If I worked / walked the equivalent of 15 miles each day, I would be the picture of fitness without annoying issues like plantar fasciitis. If I didn't have the dizzying array of responsibilities and distractions of modern times, I'm certain I wouldn't be suffering from Advanced Delusionary Schizophrenia with Involuntary Narcissistic Rage. (I stole that last one from "Me, Myself and Irene", a movie that has quite a funny premise but is disgustingly vulgar. If you haven't seen it, please wait until the non-vulgar edition comes out - it should be about 12 minutes long.)

All I'm saying is that I don't think God intended life to be this complicated, and I'm quite sure it's a product of modern times. And I have no intention of sitting back and letting it best me.

OK, well that's it for now - gotta go take my meds.


  1. I AGREE!

    Actually the simple life is much more mentally healthy. My brother is a doctor of psychology, and is spending a lot of time studying a tribal community in South America. The incidence of mental illness is zilch. Living in community, with family and friends and a cooperative spirit... never allowing for a moment of helpless isolation or being overwhelmed with work alone... that is probably the HUGE difference in our lives then and now.

    Which is why I too need the internet. We have to get our community somehow!!!

  2. That's why I long to move to Russia. At least anywhere outside of Moscow - no cars, tiny little apartments without facilities to do much cooking, mostly mom & pop type stores where you buy just what you need for today as you walk home. If you don't have your own garden (everyone seems to) you can easily buy fresh veg. and fruit inexpensively from picturesque grannies on the street. Really good ice cream (ought to add that). And! Get this! The internet, too!


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