Extreme Makeover: Me Edition

Amber hosts this weekly encouragement session for those of us who want to make healthier choices for our lives. Go on over and check out her adorable blog!

Amber's question today is "What is your biggest obstacle right now?" That's easy - myself! I have spent much time and effort and prayer in changing old habits and creating new ones, and my heart is slowly changing. I needed a major heart change because I was in love with food. Every once in a while, that old romance resurfaces and I start to flirt with the chocolate again, but God has brought me a long way in helping me to let go of anything that gets in the way of my relationship with Him. How can food get in the way of my relationship with God, you may ask. When I've been tired, stressed, lonely, down, or bored, all of my life, I have turned to food for comfort and fulfillment, instead of turning to God, who alone has the ability to fill my heart. But the reason that I am my own biggest obstacle is that I always try to take on too much at once. My kids are at school, so I have a hundred projects in the wings:

I am trying to get the house clean and dust-free because of my allergies

I want to clean, sort, organize and purge junk from my house

In the midst of purging, I'm trying to find stuff to sell on eBay

I'm trying my hand at couponing so that I can help my hubby make ends meet

I picked apples last week and I want to make applesauce (I guess I shouldn't be in too much of a rush - my dear friend and neighbor told me that one year, she didn't get to canning her applesauce until February!!!)

Oh, and here's another good and worthwhile distraction: I am going to a Christian women's conference the weekend after next where I am giving a workshop entitled "Creating a Christ-Centered Approach to Weight Loss," so I'm spending a good amount of time preparing for that. The funny part is that I haven't lost any weight yet!!! But there are some ladies helping me out who are in various stages of their journey - I'll be the one who's still laying the foundation for lifelong weight management! Talk about humility training. . .

And the list goes on and on and on. So I end up sabotaging my efforts to eat healthy and get exercise in - I push these things to the back burner, even though I know I have to keep them on the front. I keep thinking, "after this one big project is done, then I'll have time to exercise." But NO, it has to be now. And I need someone to kick my butt to keep doing it. Anyone? Kick my butt and I'll be forever grateful.

Mga Kababayan Ko

My thoughts today are with "my countrymen" (this is what "mga kababayan ko" means in Tagalog, the language in the Philippines.) No, the Philippines isn't my home country, but I did live there for 15 months. It feels a little bit like this catastrophic flooding has happened in my hometown. I walked those streets that were under several feet of water and are now laden with thick mud. Many of my Filipino friends' Facebook pages are devoted to recruiting help for the cleanup effort: requests for money, supplies, even rubber life rafts.

I think God gave me an extremely strong sense of empathy. It's very hard for me to separate myself from the tragedies that other people endure. Especially when I see pictures on the web, like the one I saw yesterday, of a man carrying the lifeless body of a child out of the mud. Absolutely gut-wrenching, especially for a mom.

There are other catastrophes from years past that have stayed with me as well. September 11, of course. Who will ever forget September 11? For many years, I had dreams that I was witnessing another terrorist attack, watching another plane smash into a building full of people. I cannot go into a crowded area without thinking, "What would happen if we all had to make a quick escape?" I especially had to beat down feelings of claustrophobia when I was in downtown Chicago: "If something bad happened, how would I get out of here?"

I still have occasional dreams about the December 26, 2004 tsunami in Indonesia. In my dreams, I can see the flood waters fast approaching and I'm thinking ahead to my best plan of escape. That horrible event claimed an unthinkable 160,000 lives.

Every day, I drive over a bridge on the way to and from school. After I drop my kids off, the bridge is usually a little more congested with traffic going toward downtown for the workday. I am usually at a stand-still on the bridge at some point. And every single day, I think of the bridge collapse in Minnesota.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm excessively fearful or morbid in my thoughts, but then I think, I'm probably just human.

Allergies!

All right, so I have allergies. Nothing really exciting though. I thought it would be cool to be allergic to rice cakes or something so no one could ever try to make me eat one of those vile things again.

Mold, dust, and pet dander. Yup, those are the little devils that have been giving me sinus headaches (and probably migraines). That doesn't explain physical fatigue, but it does explain sleepiness and my head feeling like it's stuffed with fluff (yes, just like Winnie the Pooh).

So, the doc shoved several medications at me AND told me to come back weekly for allergy shots AND told me to try to minimize dust and mold in the house (ha ha, that's a good one) AND especially to eliminate dust from our bedroom (and I literally laughed out loud when he told me that).

This is supposed to be my semi-retirement, a time to take it easy, rest up and relax until all my health issues are resolved. Instead I have to CLEAN MY HOUSE FROM TOP TO BOTTOM AND ELIMINATE ALL DUST AND MOLD. (No, I'm not getting rid of the cats - I may just varnish them.) Wow, there go my slow-paced, coffee-drinking days.

Time to fire up the vacuum cleaner!

Extreme Makeover: Me Edition - I'm Back!

Hi everyone - I'm back!

And not much to report. There is definitely progress, but not the kind I hoped for, which is loads of fat falling off me. I battled with major fatigue all summer. And I am still fighting it, but here are a few significant changes in my life that I hope will help:

1. My kids are in school! Hallelujah! I have time to myself and peace during the day.

2. It turned out the CPAP wasn't really helping me because I had extremely mild sleep apnea, so no more CPAP. I'm going to see my dentist about a dental device for mild sleep apnea. The sleep specialist prescribed a ton of sleep meds for me, but I decided to wait it out a little bit. After trying the CPAP and some sleep aids all summer, I thought I would go "au naturel" for a little while. With more down time, more time to exercise, and a better routine, I thought maybe I could get back into a good sleep pattern. I still have some bad nights, but last night was awesome! I think God is at work here!

3. My doctor discovered I have a Vitamin D and Vitamin B deficiency (rather, they're on the very LOW end of normal), so he gave me a B12 shot and I'm taking Vitamin D supplements. Also, I'm seeing an allergist tomorrow and hopefully that will be productive.

As I mentioned, I have more structure and more routine, which translates to more time to plan healthy foods, more time to do The Lord's Table devotional, and more time to exercise. So, good things are in place, and for a few weeks now, I have been consistently eating well and avoiding lots of junk food - LAST NIGHT, my hubby brought home DONUTS, and I simply said, "I shouldn't", and that was the end of it. God is really taking away my obsession with food and it's AWESOME!!!

I've been doing a 30-40 minute power walk most days.

As far as my goals to lose 40 lbs. by the time I turn 40, I'm thinking it's not so realistic any more because now I only have 4 months left, instead of the 8 months I had when I started, and I'm still battling the first 5 lbs. that keep yo-yo-ing! But I'm going to get healthy no matter what, and God is at work in my life, so I should be happy with that.

Where, Oh, Where Has My Funny Gone?

All right, people! Where the heck is my funny?

It seems that for 6 months, all I wanted to do was blog. And I wanted to make people laugh. And now, my brain is all dried up. Is that what happens when you're 39, going on 40? Dried up brain. No sense of humor. No creativity.

I just wanted you all to know I haven't forgotten about you. I haven't forsaken my blog. I just don't know what on earth to write about.

Maybe it's because many of my posts in the past were about the stresses of my life, and now the stress is greatly relieved. I'm livin' a brand new life - kids at school, mom at home drinkin' coffee. I'm really loving it! OK, so that's what it is - it's the "kids are at school" honeymoon. Ahh, I'm glad to know that it's temporary.

Otherwise, I'm going to have to get myself a rocker and an afghan.

Happy Birthday, Faith!

Guess who this is?

It's Faith, 7 years ago today! We laugh at this picture. Faith calls it her "crabby" picture. She was obviously not happy about having her hair washed! One thing I remember about Faith in the hospital is that her body temperature was a little low, so the nurse told me to hold her to my bare skin and cover us both with a blanket - what a bonding moment!

This is Faith on her first birthday - what a cutie!

And this is a random picture of Faith from when she was 4. It's my favorite picture of her because it shows off her gorgeous blue eyes.

Happy Birthday, my baby girl! Don't grow up too fast!

Peace!

There's something new in my life and I am very much enjoying it. It's called peace. Quiet. Solitude. I knew I would enjoy it, but I didn't realize how much. I am experiencing a new inner peace that I haven't had for a very long time. I almost feel guilty about being so peaceful now that my kids are in school.

But to be honest, I am seeing now, with crystal clarity, that God led me to this place. I do believe it was His will for us to homeschool for a time. It helped my children to grow in confidence. It helped them to grow in their relationship with me. It gave me time to form them and train them to some extent, even though we have a long way to go. Most of all, it showed me that I just can't do it!

I am a perfectionist. I want my life to be perfect. I want to think that if I just work hard enough at something, I can do it. I want to agree with the homeschooling zealots who say it's the only way or that it is possible for anyone if you just find your groove.

Well, I'm sorry. For me, it's not possible. As soon as the kids went to school, I had peace. Not just because the house is quiet (which is really awesome!) But because I believe God orchestrated this for us. He brought me to a point where I would be open to letting my kids go out to school, and then this awesome Charter Academy opened up this very year. My kids are enjoying it, but they do not like the strictness. All right - that is exactly what they need: rules, schedule, an ordered learning environment. They are learning traditional morals and values. They are being taught by excellent and very friendly teachers, many of whom are Christian.

And what I need is solitude. That is my language. That is my way of recharging. I am an introvert. I love people. I love my friends. I LOVE MY FAMILY!!! But if I don't get down time (quiet time, solitude), I will shut down. And for the past 5 years of homeschooling, I've been shutting down. I got to a point where all I ever wanted to do was sleep. I couldn't cope with the reality of life and the constant needs of my children. Now I have time to recharge every day. I have the energy to love my children well and to be interested in them. I have the desire to spend time with them.

God created me this way, and I've been working on my mental and emotional health for a long time. And for the first time in a very long time, I feel as if I'm making some headway.

Ahhhh. Peace.