Sunday, July 12, 2009

A Little Honesty About Depression

I haven't written about depression in a while, so here are some honest details about my own struggle with depression.

I think I'm having a bout of depression right now. It's not as bad as in the winter when the lack of sunlight makes it about ten times worse. But the signature symptoms of depression for me are:

I am tired all the time and I want to sleep all the time.

I have frequent headaches and I just generally don't feel good.

I have trouble focusing and have a hard time making even simple decisions.

Taking care of my family - even simple tasks like making meals or doing laundry - are completely overwhelming for me.

I feel hopeless about the future, as if my life has no purpose.

I feel like everything in my life is out of control: my children aren't obeying me and my house is trashed.

I feel guilty because my husband has to deal with me in this condition.

I just want to crawl into a cocoon until I feel better and my life is "fixed."

So, at this point, my thoughts enter in. I think it's all my fault. I must be a bad mom because my kids are having such a hard time. If I only worked harder at sleep and exercise and eating well, I would feel better. If I only prayed more, the depression would go away. If I spent more time with my kids, they would be better.

But, am I tired because I'm not exercising or am I not exercising because I'm tired? Are my kids giving me a hard time because they can sense that I'm not up to par, or are they acting up because I haven't been disciplining them consistently?

I have not yet hit rock bottom, and I hope I won't. But I can see that the downward spiral has begun. I'm still lucid enough to know that I will probably (hopefully, prayerfully!) snap back in a few weeks.


  1. Oh gosh, how tough it must be for you right now. It seems like a loop, like each thing feeds into the next and they all just keep propelling downwards. Just know that it is not something that is your fault and you cannot 'happy' yourself out of it.
    Hope it gets better soon!

  2. Oh Jen,
    I am so sorry that you are feeling down. I struggle with depression too. I also have anxiety problems. I wish I had some good answers for you. When I am feeling down I hide out from everyone and become pretty anti-social. But I have found that being around people really makes me feel better. It also helps to have a friend to talk things out with. I wish we lived closer and we could go walking and talk. Just know that everyone has problems. No one has a perfect life. Everyone's kids are imperfect. I used to think it was only me.


  3. Hi Jen...I will definitely be praying for you. I've had bouts with depression myself and am suffering from it now, though just slightly. I will pray that you can bounce back from this one quickly and remember that God loves you and YOU ARE WORTH IT!

    God bless!

  4. Turn to the Savior. Read your Bible relentlessly. Listen to praise and worship music, make a list of all your blessings. The enemy is trying to attack you as you know. I will keep you in my prayers for sure!

  5. Praying for you Jen! You are a daughter of God and he'll show you the best way to handle it all.

  6. I'm experiencing a lot of anxiety now myself.... I think I need more structure...I know the kids do, yet everything conspires against it. Or perhaps nothing conspires against it, but me. But I need to get a grip. When I start feeling anxious I'll pray for you, maybe that will get two birds with one stone. So to speak.

  7. HI Jen, you are definitely in my thoughts and prayers. Must be something in the water...yesterday I cried twice for no real reason at all...just feeling completely overwhelmed.


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