The main reason for my visit to Chicago was to celebrate my best friend's 40th birthday. She also invited several high school girlfriends of ours, so it was like a mini-reunion. We had a great time catching up. At some moments, I could still see my "old" friends from 20+ years ago.
But here's what I wonder? Does everyone still feel like a high school girl once in a while? Does everyone still feel unsure of herself and wondering what others are thinking of her?
I had a hard time getting past my weight as I prepared for the weekend. I've gained far too much weight since high school, and I didn't necessarily want people to see me like that. But I talked myself through it because I knew it was shallow and there's more to me than just my body. But man, it was still hard to not compare myself to the beautiful bunch of women who came to the party. One not only looks like a model, but she is a model and has a body to die for; one is tall and still slender after 4 children, just like me (the 4 children part, not the slender part); one is training for a 1/2 marathon, etc. And although I know I am doing God's will (which is also what I wanted to do all my life) by being a wife and a SAHM, it was hard not to give in to the feeling that "I haven't done anything with my life."
OK, I'm not trying to complain or have a pity party here. Self-esteem has always been a major issue for me, but I really have come a LONG way since high school. I like who I am and I love what I'm doing. I just wonder if other people still have the same struggles after 20 years, or does it eventually go away???