The main reason for my visit to Chicago was to celebrate my best friend's 40th birthday. She also invited several high school girlfriends of ours, so it was like a mini-reunion. We had a great time catching up. At some moments, I could still see my "old" friends from 20+ years ago.
But here's what I wonder? Does everyone still feel like a high school girl once in a while? Does everyone still feel unsure of herself and wondering what others are thinking of her?
I had a hard time getting past my weight as I prepared for the weekend. I've gained far too much weight since high school, and I didn't necessarily want people to see me like that. But I talked myself through it because I knew it was shallow and there's more to me than just my body. But man, it was still hard to not compare myself to the beautiful bunch of women who came to the party. One not only looks like a model, but she is a model and has a body to die for; one is tall and still slender after 4 children, just like me (the 4 children part, not the slender part); one is training for a 1/2 marathon, etc. And although I know I am doing God's will (which is also what I wanted to do all my life) by being a wife and a SAHM, it was hard not to give in to the feeling that "I haven't done anything with my life."
OK, I'm not trying to complain or have a pity party here. Self-esteem has always been a major issue for me, but I really have come a LONG way since high school. I like who I am and I love what I'm doing. I just wonder if other people still have the same struggles after 20 years, or does it eventually go away???
Monday, July 27, 2009
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I think you are normal. There is something about the need to prove it to your old friends of your worth. We all need to resist that urge. Find your value in who God desires you to be.
ReplyDeleteI bet you looked just as beautiful as your friends.
Oh sweet Jen...I think we were cut from the same mold. I have always struggled with similar things. I feel that God has helped me overcome so much of this in my life but I wonder what will happen when I find myself in a similar situation this October, at my 20th class reunion! I have always struggled with my weight, finances, relationships, etc...and here I am 20 years later with nothing really to show for it. I think when I actually get there, it will be a different story. All I can do is pray lots beforehand! So no...you are definitely not alone. But rest assured you probably have a lot those other women (and men?) don't have...the grass always seems to be greener, right?
ReplyDeleteGod bless you, my BEAUTIFUL friend!
Hi Jen -
ReplyDeleteNo, you are not alone! I skipped my reunion because I have social issues. It is way too terrifying to think of going back to that teenage place. I admire you for going, and you are probably really glad that you did it, right? I am sure all of your friends loved seeing you. I have found that even when I think I made some social blunder that noone else really notices. I am sure all of your H.S. friends thought you were very articulate, funny and amazing - just like we do!
XOXO
Jen
I still feel like a highschooler all the time! Luckily, I went to a small highschool and had pretty good experiences. But, like you and all women everywhere, I always wonder what people think of me and feel left out, etc. Just know that everyone feels the way you do, even if you think they have it all together. We love our blogging Jenny Sue :)
ReplyDeleteI just spent an evening last week getting the "lowdown" on our HS reunion from a good friend of mine. One weird feature is that while I remember lots of names, I really don't remember much about the PEOPLE. I would have rather seen the teachers again, actually - I remember THEM! After looking at the photos and being amazed at how OLD those people look, most of them, I settled down and I figure I am "in the middle" in terms of looks, but probably down at the bottom in terms of status. I also had to remind myself about the "God's will" thing...(though I didn't obey in the SAHM area....but maybe that was MY will, not God's - hope so). Anyway, one thing my friend mentioned is that one of our classmates committed suicide after the last reunion. That's depressing! I guess it is also goes to show what comparing yourself to others can do.
ReplyDeleteI feel most like a HS kid when I go to some event that requires people to sit at tables. You approach some people you sort-of know and HOPE they won't say apologetically "We're actually saving this seat for_________" or "Sorry, ___________ is sitting there." Yes; it is the old "lunchroom trauma" revisited for me, every time.