Why I Wanted to Cancel Mother's Day

I wrote this letter to my children this morning:

The day before Mother's Day, I felt like there was nothing worth celebrating. All I could think about was how I had failed in countless ways as a mother. When you, my children, were very small, I remember a friend telling me that if I were a perfect mother, my children wouldn't need the Lord. OK, that made sense. It made me breathe a sigh of relief because I didn't have to be perfect.

However, sometimes I think I let that truth, and God's mercy, convince me to be lazy about mothering. I am ashamed at all the ways I have set a bad example. I have been lazy, crabby, mean, and selfish. I have set the example of hiding from my problems and shirking my responsibilities. I have complained instead of rejoicing; I have worried instead of praying; I have grumbled instead of giving thanks in all circumstances.

When I thought about Mother's Day, I thought about you giving me cards that said, “You're the best Mom in the world,” and it made me regret all the ways that I have been so much less than the “best” Mom in the world.

So, I thought I didn't really deserve Mother's Day.

But none of us deserves God's mercy. None of us deserves what Jesus did for us on the Cross. So, I have to face my failures and ask for forgiveness, from you and from the Lord.  Then, I am free to receive His mercy and love because.  And then, I have to resolve to “do better.” That doesn't mean “try harder,” because growing as a mother – like growing in any kind of holiness - doesn't come from my own sheer effort. It comes from my submission to Christ and His will for my life. If I want to be a better mother, a better example of gratitude, joy, and service, then I need Christ first. I need Him to give me the grace to say no to my desire to be lazy, my temptation to complain, and my habit of thinking of myself first.

I apologize for not putting Jesus first in my life every day. I'm sorry that I haven't worshipped and adored and glorified God the way He created me to. And I'm sorry that I haven't taught you to do so as well.  Forgive me for trying to be a mother on my own strength rather than through Christ who gives me strength.

Forgive me for all the ways I have failed you. I pray that God will help you to heal from the ways I've hurt you. I know that HE is enough when I am not. I pray mostly that I will be able to submit to His will to be able to be used by Him to be the mother HE created me to be.

So, on Mother's Day, instead of dwelling on my own insufficiency, I will rejoice that God is enough. I will rejoice that love covers a multitude of sins. I will rejoice that, even though I'm a “failure,” God brought us together as a family for a reason. Not because any of us is perfect, but because we're perfect for each other.

I love you!

Please Stand By

Hey, there, new and old blog friends:

I just wanted you to know that I will be taking a little break from my blog for a few weeks - probably  until Easter.  There's a lot going on in our family right now, and I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and stressed. 

If you know me personally, or you have read my other blog, Postcards from Therapy, you know what kind of chaos we've gone through in the past 2 years.  Thank God His Almighty Power and Presence, the ability to begin anew every morning, and for my sense of humor.  If God hadn't given me a lighter side, I'd probably be dead by now!

Thanks for hangin' with me - I'll see you in a few weeks!

Ten Random Things I Know How to Do!

Once again, MAMA KAT has given us a mission:  write about something.

And no, not just about anything.  She couldn't risk giving that kind of freedom to amateurs.  You will understand why when you read my post.  She has to give us guardrails so that we don't careen off the mountainside highway of authorhood.  (Yes, I might have just made up that word.  That's because I am an established author using Mama Kat's writing prompts.  Do not attempt this yourself.)

The topic I chose for this week:

Ten Random Things I Know How To Do!

(I feel like there should be theme music playing here.)

1.  In college, I learned how to hold a flashlight and look pretty while a guy who likes me changes my alternator in a blizzard.  I'm proud of myself for learning that valuable skill.  Looking pretty, I mean.  I have no idea how to change an alternator.

2.  I know how to fly off the hood of a moving vehicle and get skid marks on my dress.  If I were ever needed as stunt double, I would rise to the challenge.  Skid marks on my clothing would be part of my resume.

3.  I could probably get a job in Hollywood, doing makeup, because I once hid under a dock, covered myself with mud and fish guts.  I was going to try to scare my older sister, but she saw me first and I ended up looking like a complete moron.

4.  While testing a frozen pond, I found out that I can half walk on water.  The other half of me fell in up to my thigh and I had to walk back 10 minutes back to my apartment half soaking wet.  By the time I got there, half of my clothes were frozen solid.

5.  I know how to sing a song in Tagalog (Filipino) for a free cab ride...in the Philippines.  I would not try this in New York City.

6.  I now know with what caution I should pick up a hot muffler off of the highway after it has fallen off my van.  That would be a lot of caution, because after it had been on a vehicle in the hot sun and then skidded down the highway, that sucker was hot!

7.  I know how to go on my honeymoon with my in-laws.  No, that's a lie.  Well, I really did honeymoon with my in-laws, but not gracefully.  It was a disaster.

8.  I know how to homeschool.  At least for the really little kids who just need to know 1+1=2, and that ABC spells CAT.  After that, it got too complicated, so I quit.

9.  I still remember how to make Christmas ornaments from when I was in elementary school.  I have tried several different ones over the years with my kids.  I thought we might get so good at them, we might be able to sell them on Etsy.  It turns out, they looked like something made by elementary school kids.

10.  I am a sanity daredevil.  What does this mean?  It means that I have come so very close to the edge of sanity - you know the part where you're standing on the glass-bottom walkway, looking down into the canyon on insanity, and you think, "It doesn't look too bad, maybe I'll give it a try."  I start to climb up over the fence, but a small voice in my head tells me it's not quite time yet.  "Give your kids a few more years to mature into full-blown teenagers; give your husband a little more time to "sort things out" in his life, give yourself a little more time to juggle 839 with 2 hands.  Then, my friend, then you will be ready to make this leap."

Now, if you are one of my regular followers, or if you are visiting from Mama Kat's blog, please do this for me:  If you are interested in hearing "the rest of the story" from any of the snippets listed above, please let me know in the comments section.  I love comments, and I love writing ideas. Because it's hard to come up with my own when I'm on the edge of sanity.

How My Parents Met

The Rivards were farmers.  My grandma cooked food from scratch for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  She made home-made bread and pies every day.  I can't imagine how she managed to stay ahead of 9 hungry kids who had been working the farm all day.

The Rivards were a tight-knit clan, even with countless aunts, uncles and cousins.  My dad and his brothers used to party with their cousins - legend has it that the Rivard boys were a bit on the wild side.  My dad, Gary, had a cousin who was dating a girl named Darlene.  Darlene had a best friend named Marie Johnson.  As all swooning young couples do, Dad's cousin and Darlene wanted to set Gary and Marie up on a blind date.

And so it happened...blind date with Gary, the party animal, and Marie, who happened to be extremely shy and quiet.  They stayed out until all hours of the night since Marie was too shy to mention that she had a curfew, and Gary didn't think to ask if Marie's parents wanted her home before 4 AM!

You can imagine what happened next:  my Grandpa Johnson was furious and forbade my mom to see my dad ever again.  Well, at least for a year, as the story goes.  But as my dad confided in me once, "I just couldn't forget her."

Not exactly sure how they resumed their relationship after that long separation, but they were married the summer after my mom graduated from high school.

This year, on August 23, 2013, our family will celebrate the wedding of my parents' first grandchild (who also happens to be my godson - yeah!).  The following day, on August 24, my parents will celebrate 50 years of marriage!

I love my family!

I joined up with Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop this week.  Thanks for your inspiration, Mama Kat!

My First V-Log: Meet Sally!

OK, either I will go down in history as the weirdest mom ever, or I will be committed to a mental institution immediately.  Cast your vote - just don't be too harsh!

Lost in Lost

I've been having a very strange craving.  I want to keep watching Lost.  Over and over again.  This is probably the 3rd or 4th time (maybe 5th or 6th?) that Al and I have watched it from beginning to end.  We're somewhere in the second season, in the "hatch." 

Why do I love this show so much?  I'm not sure, but I think it's because I'm really beginning to like the idea of getting lost.  Let's see - a tropical island, gorgeous beaches, shirtless guys (shhh, don't tell Al).  Well, minus the violent plane crash and the smoke monster, I think I'd really enjoy it.  Sure, having to find fresh water and probably some food and shelter might be challenging, but I would gladly trade some of my current demands for those piddly problems.  Really....

Well, you know me, I'd have to find a steady Coffee supply, too.  But otherwise, I think I'd be set.


And just in case, I have memorized this bit of information from eHow:  How to Survive on a Deserted Island.  I have to laugh about this seemingly serious article.  If you were, indeed, stranded on a desert island, you would most likely not have a working laptop or wifi to be able to access this article.  If you did, you might be spending your time sending out a Facebook messages, saying "Help, I'm stranded on a deserted island!"

Or in my case, I might just message everyone, saying,  
"Ha ha!  I'm LOST!  Do NOT try to find me!"

My Coffee Addiction

Mama Kat makes me laugh so hard!  Yesterday's post about COFFEE  made me start thinking about my own obsession passion addiction love affair with coffee.  I can't remember when I started drinking coffee, but I believe I was quite young.  I know I drank it in college.  But I can't be exactly sure when the actual addiction started...probably when the babies came along and coffee had new meaning to me...liquid sleep.

However long it's been, I'm sure that it can be classified as a full-fledged addiction at this point.

I mean, I think about coffee often.  I contemplate coffee.  I ponder the great and meaningful coffee questions of the universe.  What if I run out of money for coffee?  It's possible in these challenging financial times.  What if my coffee maker breaks?  She's old, but she's reliable, and she makes a sweet cup of java.  What if...what if the entire world stash of coffee runs out?

You think I have a twisted mind?  Well consider these chilling scenarios that have played over and over in my mind.  What if I was kidnapped?  I think I'd be OK, as long as my captor gave me coffee.  And what if I was in a plane crash and washed up on a deserted island?  You can bet your boots that I would be swimming out to the wreckage, trying to find those little floating one-pot coffee packs.  Sharks would be no match for me, a coffee-crazed castaway!

I don't worry about being beaten to death or being eaten by wild animals.  I worry about not having my coffee...

Yep, I think this qualifies as an addiction.