Tuesday, February 12, 2013

My Thoughts on the Bachelor

My blogger friend Connie at the Young and Relentless has gotten me addicted to The Bachelor.  I have only watched one entire season before, and I wasn't very impressed.  I mean, am I the ONLY person who doesn't believe this "Bachelor" process will ever work?  How can you expect a man and woman (or 26 women, in the case of the current season) to NOT fall in love when you take them out of their normal, stressful lives and place them in a resort setting for 3 months, provide them with gorgeous clothes, make-up artists, hair stylists, and waxing!  They only have to look good for about 3 or 4 hours of the day.  The rest of the time, they can probably surf the web, sleep, sit in a hot tub, sleep, read, sleep, swim, sleep, or just be lazy (or sleep)I assume they do not have to cook, clean, do laundry, solve sibling fights, or clean up puke.  Sure, they show the ladies making their way around the kitchen, but there is no way you can convince me that a show with a multi-million dollar budget - complete with limos, helicopters, trans-continental dates and diamond jewelry - does NOT provide a 24-hour kitchen staff.

If you put me in that environment, I would fall in love with a monkey.  

Now, the show really does have entertainment potential.  My girls and I have already spent countless hours laughing commiserating with the women's intensely emotional issues.  (Girl with raccoon eyes, sobbing in front of the camera:  "I was just so sure I would be the future Mrs. Bachelor.  I mean, I just met him 3 hours ago, but I just knew....")  We do realize that this is indeed NOT the way to get a husband, so I point out the inconsistencies, the unhealthy emotional attachment, and not to mention immodest behavior, to my kids every. single. time. we watch it.

However, I, for one, would like to see the realism in this reality TV show kicked up a notch.

Here are some of my suggestions for future Bachelor dates
(Take note, ABC, you may just get some fresh potential for these monotonous shows of yours.)

1.  Put the Bachelor and all the women in the same house, together, 24 hours a day.  Do not provide cooks, maids, or laundry service, and the girls' true colors will shine in no time.  For a fun twist, make them all share one bathroom.  Make a chore chart to see who's a slob and who's obsessive compulsive.

2.  Deprive the girls of several days' worth of sleep before their dates.  Then we'll see how sweet and perfect they seem when cavorting on their dream dates.

3.  Provide the Bachelor with some hidden-camera clips of his potential wives driving in heavy traffic during rush hour.  How perfect are they now?

4. For that matter, show him some of the clips of the girls interacting in the house when he's not there.  
Cat fight anyone?

5.  One of the dates should include 3 small, exceptionally whiny children and a visit to WalMart on a Saturday afternoon.  Give them a 100-item shopping list, a time limit, and no snacks or extra diapers.

6.  Put the Bachelor and the girls in a motor home for a cross-country trip.  Limit the number of stops, all they have to eat and drink are hot coffee and bran muffins.  Do not stock any deodorant, toothpaste, or hairspray.

7.  Here is my final idea - and the most genius, I might add.  This will ensure that Sean will not have to make any decisions whatsoever; he can just sit back and enjoy the process while waiting for his bride to emerge alive.

May I present to you:

The Bachelor Games

26 Tributes, fighting to the death until a lone victor remains.

At least the Bachelor wouldn't have to go through the agonizing process of choosing just one.


  1. I tried watching this show once. I think it was in the first season. It was mid-way through and someone's grandmother died and the young woman was quite upset. When she called home trying to find out arrangements, she admitted she was torn between wanting to attend Grandma's funeral and staying to compete. Her mother, or perhaps I should identify her as the woman who spawned this young woman, told her it was more important that she stay there and compete. I turned the channel.
    I watch Castle which currently follows this travesty. Last night the previews I saw provoked laughter. Apparently it's time to meet the 3 or4 prospective families of potential in-laws. From what I saw, there's not a family who wants him as part of their's and they are holding his feet to the fire trying to find out why he thinks this method of choosing a mate is acceptable.
    I might have to tune in for this one. I think I'll make popcorn, too.

  2. Brillant ideas!

    They did actually do the motor home one....it was the season that Emily was on. And I believe that is what ABC is leaning towards. The Bachelor Games...they put their lives in danger at least once an episode.

    Last night, it was having them all ride with Sean while he went on a booze cruise. Drinking and Driving around the island!

  3. I've always regarded that show as an adolescent boy's fantasy - 26 (26?!?) nubile young women, complete with hot tub. . . I mean, seriously?

    "So, tell me, Heather, how many kids do you see us having together? Tell me about your deepest spiritual values. . ."


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