Tuesday, January 10, 2012

The Pimple Popper

Last week, I took one of my daughters to the doctor.  She had a rash on her face, which I thought was contact dermatitis, but we wanted to get it checked out anyway.  (By the way, I am right approximately  90% of the time on my "home diagnoses".  I wonder if I could be a doctor?  I mean, really, if I can get it right by checking symptoms on the internet, I could make some good money in a few years, at least before encountering a malpractice suit - don't you agree?)  It turns out, I was right about the dermatitis, too, so bring on the cortisone cream or whatever it is (so, I may not be very good with drugs. . . .that's what pharmacists are for). 

Doc also noticed a patch of acne in the middle of Dear Daughter's forehead, and I said, "yeah, that's been there for about 4 months and just won't clear up."  He said he had a tool to remove all the blackheads, and then he would prescribe an antibiotic/anti-acne cream to clear it up completely.  How cool is that?  Better than paying mucho bucks for expensive acne treatments, right?  But then he asked about our insurance coverage - whether we have a per person deductible at the beginning of the year or simply copays per visit - because popping her pimples would be billed as a "procedure". 

Shut up! 

Man, I could make so much money just popping pimples for people - I love doing that!  He brought out his little tool, a metal tool with tiny hole at the end.  He pressed down on each zit and OUT popped the blackhead.  I was so fascinated that I asked if they sold such things in drugstores or on Amazon, and how could I possibly have NOT known about these tools before now?  Yes, of course.  You can even get them at Meijer, he told me.

No kidding.  I went to Meijer to pick up DD's prescriptions and found my very own pimple popper, which was on clearance, oddly enough.  I can't believe more people aren't cashing in on this.  Now I regularly chase my pre-teens down with the tool in hand so I can pop their zits.  I look forward to getting up each morning so that I can see if I myself have a new blackhead. 

Now, please tell me that I'm not the only one here.  I can't possibly be the only one who enjoys popping pimples.  I actually know I'm not the only one because Doc admitted that his own mother had a fascination with popping zits, and his wife does as well.  He called her "Sally Scissorhands."  I just wonder if any of my readers will have the courage to own up to their own pimple popping pleasure.

And by the way, I'm offering a new service out of my home.  Only $10 per pimple.


  1. This is absolutely disgusting! In a totally amazing zit-tastic way! I don't know what it is, but I, too, love popping pimples. So did my freshman year college roommate (to her poor, occasionally pimply boy-friend's dismay). It's so gross. Yet so satisfying.

  2. Ha ha! I'm picky about the ones I like to pop.
    Gooey ones that get all over your mirror = no
    Drier ones that are huge and you're like how can something so big come out of a little hole (kinda like the birthing process) = satisfying

  3. I have to admit, I am a closet pimple popper!

  4. I need to see a picture of said tool! I want one!


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