I wrote this letter to my children this morning:
The day before Mother's Day, I felt like there was nothing worth
celebrating. All I could think about was how I had failed in
countless ways as a mother. When you, my children, were very small,
I remember a friend telling me that if I were a perfect mother, my
children wouldn't need the Lord. OK, that made sense. It made me
breathe a sigh of relief because I didn't have to be perfect.
However, sometimes I think I let that truth, and God's mercy,
convince me to be lazy about mothering. I am ashamed at all the ways
I have set a bad example. I have been lazy, crabby, mean, and
selfish. I have set the example of hiding from my problems and
shirking my responsibilities. I have complained instead of
rejoicing; I have worried instead of praying; I have grumbled instead
of giving thanks in all circumstances.
When I thought about Mother's Day, I thought about you giving me
cards that said, “You're the best Mom in the world,” and it made
me regret all the ways that I have been so much less than the “best”
Mom in the world.
So, I thought I didn't really deserve
Mother's Day.
But none of us deserves God's mercy.
None of us deserves what Jesus did for us on the Cross. So, I have
to face my failures and ask for forgiveness, from you and from the
Lord. Then, I am free to receive His mercy and love because. And then, I have to resolve to “do better.” That doesn't
mean “try harder,” because growing as a mother – like growing
in any kind of holiness - doesn't come from my own sheer effort. It
comes from my submission to Christ and His will for my life. If I
want to be a better mother, a better example of gratitude, joy, and
service, then I need Christ first. I need Him to give me the grace
to say no to my desire to be lazy, my temptation to complain, and my
habit of thinking of myself first.
I apologize for not putting Jesus first
in my life every day. I'm sorry that I haven't worshipped and adored
and glorified God the way He created me to. And I'm sorry that I haven't taught you to do so as well. Forgive me for trying to
be a mother on my own strength rather than through Christ who gives
me strength.
Forgive me for all the ways I have
failed you. I pray that God will help you to heal from the ways I've
hurt you. I know that HE is enough when I am not. I pray mostly
that I will be able to submit to His will to be able to be used by
Him to be the mother HE created me to be.
So, on Mother's Day, instead of
dwelling on my own insufficiency, I will rejoice that God is enough.
I will rejoice that love covers a multitude of sins. I will rejoice
that, even though I'm a “failure,” God brought us together as a
family for a reason. Not because any of us is perfect, but because
we're perfect for each other.
I love you!
