Shaming the Dishwasher

In general,  I am very thankful for electrical appliances.  I often feel a sense of gratification after loading up my washer, putting a cake in the oven, or turning on the vacuum cleaner.  I know that when I come back, I will have a clean load of clothing, a delicious cake, or a clean carpet.   


However, it's been a long time since I've felt that way about the dishwasher.  Now, when I load it up, I taunt it, "What are you going to leave caked on my dishes this time?"  I even spend extra time rinsing off all the little particles of food so it will just have to finish off the miniscule traces that I've left behind.  "There, you stupid, lazy, good-for-nothin', brackin' frackin' piece of worthless junk.  I washed the whole dang thing by hand!  Could you at least sanitize it for me???"  You might suggest that I talk nicer to it, but believe me, I've tried that.  And I've tried cleaning it on a regular basis - running vinegar through it, running bleach through it, running it empty so it can wash away any hidden grime - but to no avail.  It's still just a 90-lb. weakling.  I still have greasy dishes.  Sediment.  Baked on gunk.

I often end up washing many things by hand, and only putting the "sure" things into the dishwasher, like drinking cups. . . .that had only been used for water.

Here is a list of things that I believe that my dishwasher can no longer remove:

gravy
ketchup
mustard
mayonnaise
salad dressing
peanut butter
jelly
milk
eggs
oatmeal
applesauce 
frosting
chocolate
grease
oil
shortening   
butter
pudding
jello
soup
cream cheese
guacamole
refried beans
bananas
smoothies
yogurt
ice cream
potatoes
spaghetti sauce
custard
mousse
mashed potatoes

Here is a list of things that I know, for a fact, that my dishwasher can remove:

Cool Whip

In today's tough economy, we can't just go out and buy a new appliance, especially when the old one still "works" (and I hope you know that I use that term in the most sarcastic way possible).  So I've been left trying to finesse the piece of scrap (I wanted to leave the "s" off that word, but I didn't want to offend anyone) that is wasting space in my kitchen.  Still, nothing.

Finally, I've resorted to this.  Please don't think I'm being too harsh.  It's just that I've tried everything else. 

As I tried to take this picture this morning, my daughter walked right in front of the camera.  I snapped at her, "Can't you see I'm trying to take a picture here???"  My other daughter leaned over and whispered, "I think Mom has gone off the deep end."  

Obviously, they have no idea how maddening this situation is.