I'm a little worried about my son. He
is 7.
The other day, he said, “My favorite
kind of car is a Camaro.”
“Really?” I asked. “Where did
you see a Camaro?”
“Oh,” he replies, “I didn't see
one. Matt just told me they're the coolest car ever.”
Fear strikes my heart as I jump to the
only conclusion possible: My son will be a mulleted,
heavy-metal-band-loving, Camaro-driving pothead.
Yes, I know this is a stereotype. But
if you grew up in podunk-ville Michigan where every kid wanted a
souped up muscle car, you would jump to the same conclusion. Some
kids actually saved their meager earnings from working on the family
farm or at the local fish processing place, and they were able to
live their dream of squealing their tires in front of the high school
before they went home to don their shit-kickers for the evening
milking. Others were so desperate, they just painted flames on their
AMC Gremlins and hoped no one would notice how slow they were going
while they pushed their cars down the street.
Here's a question: do ALL boys
EVERYWHERE end up craving cool cars? Is it inherent in the male
gene, or is there an unspoken code among all males of our species
that all little boys must desire cool cars when they grow up? I
mean, have you ever met a little boy who wanted nothing more than to
grow up and drive a 15-passenger van? Or a station wagon?
Anyway, my fears about my son began to
grow, when days later, I found him sitting on the couch, remote in
hand, completely absorbed in “Dream On” by Aerosmith, which he
found on YouTube. I'm also fairly certain I've heard him humming
“Stairway to Heaven” recently. Pink Floyd is next, I just know
it.
I admit I will probably not have to
deal the pothead part. (Or is “pothead” not politically correct
any more? Maybe I should say “cannabis connoisseur.”)
We talk openly to our kids about smoking, drinking, and drugs and all
the problems that could ensue. In addition, my super-sonic sense of
smell can detect that stuff from a mile away. Yes, I may have
encountered the smell of weed more than once in my life, but I have
never tried it, I promise. And I never bought the story that the scent was a Renuzit air freshener.
In the end, I bought my son a folder
with a picture of a Camaro on it, for him to use at school. He seemed thrilled with it, and it
seems to have appeased his Camaro hunger.
